Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Blank

I know I am not able to post for a very long time now. I simply forgot to. Why? I don’t know. But I do know that I have not healed. I am trying to heal from within and I despise the meds of course. Aren’t they supposed to make you feel better? Then why aren’t they doing there job? Why Am I feeling so ______? Blank?!

I have no recollection of this time that had gone by. I am trying a lot to find answers. Sometimes they seem within your reach. But most of the time, they are so unattainable. So out of your grasp. Everything is getting messier. It feels like I am losing control over myself, losing my grip. This is a bad feeling. believe me, not feeling in control is a thing I despise.

The most simple thing to do would be to start fighting this feeling of not being in control. I have to get a grasp on my feelings, a tight grip on myself. But it seems difficult, very difficult. Imagine wading through a swamp in complete darkness and that too when your eyesight is so weak that it is difficult to see properly in proper daylight itself.

It is so difficult to pass this time, being shut out from the world. I have been that way for so many years now but at least I had the chance and the privilege to go out whenever I felt overwhelmed. But these testing times have put a stop on that too. Feeling numb is not the best of feelings to have. Everybody should feel, which I think should be the most important human right criteria(pun intended).

Start feeling more in control of yourself is what I suggest to all out there who are feeling the same(How I don't know if you get the answer, let me know as well.)


" Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it." - Rabindranath Tagore

Friday, March 27, 2020

The Beginning

For a long time now i have been thinking to start writing a blog. But could never bring myself to actually start writing. Why if you ask me, well, even i don't know the answer. Is it because i have chronic depression, postpartum depression, or once i heard one psychiatrist say, bipolar.

I don't know, as of now i have no answer. Now, you will ask me why aren't you taking help. To answer your question, yes i am now. But picking up my phone to call a therapist/counselor/psychiatrist (whatever you please), was a battle into itself .

How I am dealing with all these things, I am not sure, because as of now, I am at my weakest stage. The helplessness, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the emptiness. I am feeling it all.

Don't know how many of you out there are dealing with all of it all alone. Feeling so vulnerable. 

So, here i am writing a blog, sharing my experience, my journey through mental well-being, writing about the stigma surrounding mental health in our country. My battle with depression and going through my treatment for being a bipolar, over emotional, over sensitive person.

The effects it will have on my child, the attitude of my husband (which has almost lead to the breakup of my marriage), non-understanding parents, in-laws, relatives, society, Lack of friends. All these contributing to a new low, taking me more down-under.

Hope to be your friend, hope you to be my friend, through it all.