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I know I am not able to post for a very long time now. I simply forgot to. Why? I don’t know. But I do know that I have not healed. I am trying to heal from within and I despise the meds of course. Aren’t they supposed to make you feel better? Then why aren’t they doing there job? Why Am I feeling so ______? Blank?!

I have no recollection of this time that had gone by. I am trying a lot to find answers. Sometimes they seem within your reach. But most of the time, they are so unattainable. So out of your grasp. Everything is getting messier. It feels like I am losing control over myself, losing my grip. This is a bad feeling. believe me, not feeling in control is a thing I despise.

The most simple thing to do would be to start fighting this feeling of not being in control. I have to get a grasp on my feelings, a tight grip on myself. But it seems difficult, very difficult. Imagine wading through a swamp in complete darkness and that too when your eyesight is so weak that it is difficult to see properly in proper daylight itself.

It is so difficult to pass this time, being shut out from the world. I have been that way for so many years now but at least I had the chance and the privilege to go out whenever I felt overwhelmed. But these testing times have put a stop on that too. Feeling numb is not the best of feelings to have. Everybody should feel, which I think should be the most important human right criteria(pun intended).

Start feeling more in control of yourself is what I suggest to all out there who are feeling the same(How I don't know if you get the answer, let me know as well.)

" Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it." - Rabindranath Tagore

My Life situation in this pandemic

COVID-19 or Coronavirus, how scared we feel when we hear these. Life has come to a stand still all over the world. Everyone is in lock-down. 

Yes everyone is in lockdown, in everyway. Imagine being confined into such an lockdown for ever. Yes I know, this is how our lives are. Being confined inside our head, no escaping it, nobody to understand how it is. When people ask why can't you get out, you have no answer. People will not understand because its not COVID-19.

This situation is not much different for me. I am not an out doorsy type of a person. Yes last year have been a little better for me. I had got a job, where i could go out and share my other problems with people (marital ones). Women could really relate with that.

But they could not understand why I behaved the way I did. Well I think now they do.

So, my life is same as it was. Trapped. No way out. Well I am not facing much problems as I like being indoors. Have many things to occupy my time.
Yes, mostly I am addicted to my mobile, but in my defence, I don't spend much time on games or social media either. I am trying to upgrade myself.

Looking out for work and career opportunities while stuck inside. I have started exercising and walking. I have gone back to my love of music (listening ofcourse). Today I am joining an online dance class, my other love. But, I can't seem to start reading again. Don't know why. It was the love of my life, books.

I have to find a way to go back to my books.

so my message to everyone out there like me. Don't loose hope. This situation is nothing new for us. We are always in a state of lockdown in our minds. Just pass the time and find a way to upgrade ourselves and go back to our loves (reading, listening to music, dance, anything).

 "Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong."    -Mandy Hale.